What exactly are Cloud and Cloud Computing?

Cloud and Cloud Computing are in an identity crisis. What if The Cloud saw a psychiatrist? Listen in on the therapy session.

Scene: Office of Dr. Virgil I. Zation, a noted Silicon Valley Psychiatrist. Dr. Zation is having a therapy session with a new patient named Cloud.

Doctor: How can I help you, Mr. Cloud?

Cloud: You can drop the "Mr." and just call me, "The Cloud."

Doctor: Ok, Cloud. What brings you to my office?

Cloud: Doctor, I think I'm in an identity crisis. I just don't seem to know who I am anymore. On the one hand, I'm "The Cloud." I've got a handle on that identity, but now people are talking about "Cloud Computing," and it's really confusing me, and worst of all, it's confusing them!

Doctor: Well, before we get to your identity, tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do?

Cloud: That's just the point Doctor. I don't know WHAT I do. I've asked around and no one seems to agree on what I do or who I am. But I think I must be pretty famous, though.

Doctor: Thinking you're important sounds like delusions of grandeur.

Cloud: No, really. I think I AM important; after all, I'm even in Wikipedia, but I don't totally understand what Wikipedia says about me. If they just call me "The Cloud," then I'm a metaphor for the Internet, but if they add "computing" to my name, then they say, "computing in which dynamically scalable and often virtualized resources are provided as a service over the Internet." What the heck does that mean? I'm getting confused. And don't even get me started when people talk about Private, Public or Hybrid Clouds. OMG, am I a split personality?

Doctor: Let's not go there yet. I think simpler is better when it comes to defining who we are.

Cloud: Yes! Especially for non-tech people. Like, with "The Cloud" definition, many people "get" the basic cloud metaphor. It's easy. I've even seen pictures of me drawn on engineers' scratch pads. I think I look elegant and simple.

Doctor: Of course. I've seen those drawings as well—easy to understand.

Cloud: I think I was pretty easy to understand then too, but now I feel like a split personality. They've added "computing" to my name and that's messing up what could be a simple message and metaphor. If I'm "Cloud Computing," no one seems to agree on who I am or how to define me. They don't know exactly what I do.

Doctor: Hmmmm. I see what you mean. Even the way some industry analysts define you is a bit obtuse. Take for example, James Staten of Forrester. He describes you as, "a pool of abstracted, highly scalable, and managed compute infrastructure capable of hosting end-customer applications and billed by consumption." Whew! So now you're a pool? I thought you were a cloud!

Cloud: I don't even know anymore: pool, cloud. It's all becoming Geek to me. And then some people say cloud computing is, "Internet-based development and use of computer technology." So does that mean if a 5-year old makes a simple web site, is that ME? But it gets worse. Famous people make fun of me.

Doctor: What do you mean?

Cloud: Larry Ellison of Oracle says I'm gibberish and doesn't know what the hell I am.

Doctor: I'm sure he didn't mean that….

Cloud: No, he did! You don't know Larry! But it gets even worse. Tim O'Reilly says I'm,"the movement of computing into the network of all connected devices." Then Steve Ballmer says I'm,"outside the firewall; software specifically architected to be managed and propagated in a certain fashion." I'm the Internet…I'm moving…I'm connected…I'm propagating…I'm outside the firewall! Does that mean I can catch on fire? I'm so confused! Who the heck am I?

Doctor: Well, I don't want to add to your confusion, but I heard that you are the "new SaaS."

Cloud: That's not very helpful or comforting when your own therapist says you're sassy.

Doctor: Sorry. Let's take a different tactic. Let's talk about your early upbringing. Any issues with your mother?

Cloud: Well, I don't really know who my mother is. But I do have father issues, of sorts. If I'm "The Cloud," then it's easy. Everybody knows that Al Gore invented me.

Doctor: Hmmm. Not sure on that one. Have you thought about demanding a paternity test?

Cloud: Not really, after all he is a Vice President. If he said it, it must be true. Funny, every year I send him an electronic Father's Day card, but he never writes back. But I might have a stepfather of sorts. If I'm "Cloud Computing," then Professor Ramnath Chelappa at Emory University is the first academic who talked about me, and he said I was, "a computing paradigm where the boundaries of computing will be determined by economic rationale rather than technical limits." But that only makes me more confused.

Doctor: Yes, I understand your confusion, especially when you look at what they said about you at Wharton's Big Business Technology conference in Philadelphia. I believe one academic said you were, "large data centers that can be dynamically provisioned, configured, and reconfigured to deliver services in a scalable manner." Then another said, "A cloud is just a pool of flexible/on-demand 'resource,' a way of abstracting the underlying complexities of how things are executed or stored, provisioned." And, "a virtual server for application deployment by large/small companies."

Cloud: See! I don't even exist! I'm virtual! But am I SaaS? Am I data centers, the Internet, storage? I'm getting dizzy and more confused.

Doctor: I'm a bit confused by your identity as well. Here's a new tactic: you need to get away—get out and meet new people.

Cloud: But I am! That's part of my problem. I'm not just hanging around with wonks and geeks. I'm out there with small business owners, marketers, and consumers. And nobody knows who I am or what I do. They're so confused. Some are even scared of me! OMG! I'm scaring consumers! That is NEVER a good idea. I need a drink!

Doctor: No good ever comes from turning to alcohol! Why not wait a bit? I heard that The National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) is working on a formal cloud computing definition. Maybe that will give you some relief.

Cloud: I can't wait! I feel like The Three Faces of Eve. SAP says I'm one thing, IBM says another, HP, Microsoft, Oracle, SAS… my head is swimming! I can't even say what I am. Someone from a Virtualization conference asked me for my 30-second elevator pitch and I failed! I really do need a drink!

Doctor: OK, OK, don't unravel…it will affect applications. Alcohol will dull your thinking, but how about some drugs? I can prescribe Prozac to take the edge off.

Cloud: Are there any side effects? Will it affect my security or reliability or provisioning?

Doctor: Nope. Until you get a handle on your identity, I think this is just the thing to take the edge off The Cloud.

Cloud: OK, but only 5 MB.

Doctor: Don't you mean 5 mg?

Cloud: Oh...right. Thanks, Doc!

The Cloud leaves Doctor Virgil I. Zation's office still confused about his identity, but at least feeling a bit lighter.

Cloud Computing Sees A Shrink [via]